‘Twas the Day After Christmas

 

And it was time to turn the page, close a door, open a window, begin a new chapter, move forward, defeat fear, build self confidence, make new goals, challenge myself, and put on my big girl panties and cowgirl the heck up.

It was time to get back up on my painted pony.

Christmas Eve 2008 was the day that this past year’s struggles, challenges, heartaches (and knee-aches) all began. That was the day I took a ride in the snow and fell off my horse. She teleported sideways several times, I lost my balance and fell sideways, which somehow severed my ACL. Some might say, “She zigged and I zagged”.

I did get back up on my mare right after the accident, while I was still able to walk, albeit with a limp. I rode her around in the round pen for 15 minutes until I stopped shaking, and not just from the cold.

Afterwards I walked her back up to the barn, un-tacked her, then fed and watered my horse and our other goats, sheep and llamas. I gathered eggs from the chickens and tucked them in for the night, and then I limped upstairs, as the pain grew worse with each step. By the next morning I could not put any weight at all on my injured knee.

The day after Christmas was spent in the Emergency Room, and two weeks later I went through the most painful surgery and recovery of my life. I’ve given birth vaginally to twins and an 11lb 12oz baby (all without any pain meds), and I’d go back and do those births all over again, instead of ever having to go through knee surgery with an ACL replacement. To say it was hell would be an understatement.

And then just 4 months later I was injured by my horse yet again and got a compound fracture of my tibial plateau of the same knee I had just had surgery on. That injury set me back another 8 weeks, while I was healing.

During that time, self-doubt, frustration, and fear set in, and with the sudden lack of insurance from a job change, and subsequent loss of physical therapy appointments, my focus on regaining strength and healing waned. And I just sort of gave up on the dream of riding horses again.

Then in October, while helping out with a Competitive Trail Ride (ACTHA) sponsored by the Walkin N Circles Horse Rescue I volunteer for, I met some wonderful horse folks who inspired and encouraged me. And soon afterwards I was surprised to receive an e-mail from a new friend, Renee, that I met at the ACTHA event. She invited me to ride with her as a Buddy Rider at the next ACTHA event in the Spring. I was more excited with this prospect, than a child at Christmas. I finally had a goal, some focus.

I’m still not sure exactly how to reach that goal, but if if it is meant to be, than I trust that things will fall into place. At least I know I am moving forward.     

And what has surprised me even more over the past year, has been the outpouring of love, support, kindness, understanding and generosity from all of my dear friends in the blogging community. I could not have survived without all of you. Just knowing I was not alone meant the world to me. Realizing that everyone cared about me as I struggled to heal and move past the pain each day, was what helped to bring me through. All of the cards, gifts, books, goodies and treats lifted my spirits and gave me something to look forward to. I can never, ever, ever express fully what that has meant to me and how much of a difference you all made in my life.

I am forever thankful for you all!

And to show my gratitude I am going to share with you my ongoing story, including my most recent accomplishment:

Getting back up on my horse.

On Saturday, the day after Christmas, we headed up the hill to the barn. Baby Doll sensed something was up. She normally walks up to me anytime I enter the paddock. This time she turned around and walked away. But John walked up to her and was able to get her haltered, while Jenna petted Scout, my neighbor’s gelding.

    

(I give Baby Doll credit for being patient while John fumbled with the halter and buckles, too. He’s only haltered a horse a couple of times, so he forgets which way is up or down.)

My neighbor, Val surprised me with a phone call just after I had talked with John about my goal of getting back up on Baby Doll. She offered to help. I accepted her offer, because John, though he loves horses, isn’t very horse savvy, and I really needed to focus, but I would have worried too much about John handling Baby Doll to remain calm. So, having Val there was a huge relief. (Thank you, Val) And John had the role of camera man instead.

Once we got Baby Doll back up to the barn we debated whether I should saddle her, put a bareback pad on her, or just ride bareback. Since my goal was just to sit up there on her back for a few minutes, it was finally decided to forgo saddling. I wanted to wear my helmet, but it’s been so long and I couldn’t remember where I’d left it (Later on, I discovered my helmet in our garage. How it ended up in there, I have no idea) 

Meanwhile, I spent quite a bit of time psyching myself up by leaning over Baby Doll’s back, sort of ‘testing the waters’.

I marveled at how round her barrel was and how flat her back had become, imagining how comfy it would feel once I was sitting up there. Then finally I took a deep breath and swung my good leg over her back.

 

 

 

 There was a brief moment of panic as Baby Doll’s head shot up when she must have sensed my nervousness.

 

But Val was able to calm her down and once I took a couple deep breaths, I was able to be more relaxed, too.

I did it! I was finally back on a horse! Those really are MY legs wrapped around my horse’s barrel!

I sat on her back for about 10 minutes inside the barn, but then I felt ready to leave the relative safety of the barn and move outside into the pasture/paddock. Val led Baby Doll through the stall gate with the llamas, goats, and sheep watching on, while my mare was very careful not to rub me off as we came through.

 

 

Yay! We made it out safely. And Baby Doll figured it was a good time to take a nap.

 

Pinch me, ok? I was surprised at my reaction to finally being up there. I didn’t cry, and I didn’t really laugh, though I was very happy. Mostly I was just focused and very relieved. I did it.

 

(In hindsight, a less goofy-looking hat might have been better to wear that day. But it was so cold, and that cozy hat kept my head and ears very warm. Function over Fashion any day, I say.)

Looking at these photos after they were taken makes me laugh. Not only do I look goofy in my hat, but my mare was napping yet again while we had an active audience watching us from the Woolies’ paddock.

(And it looks like I had a death grip on Baby Doll’s mane, too.)

But look at me! I didn’t let 2009 pass by without accomplishing one of my most important goals. I finally got back up on my horse again!

Looks like we’re riding off into the sunset.