It's My Birthday and I can Cry if I Want to

Today I am 42 yrs old. Jeezy Peezy what a weird way to begin a post.
Forget about it!
(said in one of those New York Cabby voices)

Yeh, I'm older, (but not as old as dirt) and my body likes to remind me sometimes...well most of the time, but usually my heart and mind still feel as young as spring grass.

A few years ago, I got alot more focused on bringing forth my dreams of having my own horse, into reality. It was about time, after waiting 40 birthdays without my ribbon-wrapped pony waiting in the backyard.

This past Spring all the planets moved into alignment and my painted girl, Baby Doll moved onto the Laughing Orca Ranch. Horse Ownership is much different than I thought it would be. Easier in some ways and more challenging in others.
I look forward to my horse greeting me at the gate and stopping so I can wrap my arms around her soft, warm neck. I love when she nickers or whinnies and lifts her ears up when she hears me in the house or in the backyard.
And grooming my pretty horse is so satisfying and also relaxing, in a strange sort of zen-like way.

The challenging part involves respect, trust, confidance and behavior issues.

My perfect horse seems to have developed a case of barn sour.

Yes, I can cowgirl up and admit some of the blame. I ride my sour girl less than 10 times a month and usually in the round pen, arena or up in the pasture. She rarely gets out to the trails, unless I ride with my neighbor friend, Val. And Val works alot and is oftentimes too busy to trail out on the horses. I don't yet feel confidant enough to head out by myself, and Baby Doll surely must feel that, too.

About a week ago, Val and I took Baby Doll and her 13 yr old Appy/Pinto, Scout out on the trails. We started out pretty good, except Scout is quite attached to his own herd and kept calling out to them as we walked. Baby Doll was fine though and we even took a new route up a steep, rocky, narrow trail. She went up smooth and calm, even walking up slow so I didn't get knocked out by the branches growing across the trail. When we got to the top of the trail, the owner of the land walked out and asked about the branches and even promised to trim them. I thought that was really nice of him, considering we were riding on his land.

We then headed east down the gravel road, towards the direction of home. Baby Doll wanted to walk faster and kept trying to steal her head away from me. We were going to head down a steep hill, which leads straight towards home, but I got a really bad feeling about it because of the way that both Scout and Baby Doll were acting. Scout was still calling out to his herdmates back at his barn, and Baby Doll started calling to her herdmates, too (was she calling out to the llamas, goats and sheep? I have no idea). They were both jigging and prancing toward the steep downhill and I kept envisioning us going over like the proverbial canoe dropping over the waterfall.

So, we turned the horses around because I remembered a rocky trail that I had taken the llamas down just a few days earlier. Val went down first with Scout, while I had to keep control of Baby Doll who would have easily galloped down that hill, on Scout's spotted butt, otherwise.
When they got to the bottom, Baby Doll and I picked our way down the rocky trail. When we got to the bottom, I was hoping to take a moment and stop, but Scout wanted to keep moving and so did Baby Doll.

We reached 'Sunflower Lane' as I call it because the road is lined by a thick line of sunflowers in the summer. The horses like to try and snatch bites of the flowers as we walk past. The best thing to do is to keep them moving.
At this one point on Sunflower Lane, we can turn east and head straight to our barns, or go south or west and head off on more trails.
We decided to walk some more trails, but Baby Doll decided right then to yank her head and turn towards home, which totally caught me off guard.

Then all hell broke loose.

When I turned her away from the barn, she decided that she'd just walk backwards to the barn instead. Not a good idea because of all the evil thorned cholla cacti growing in that area. After stopping her from backing by turning her around, she then decided that turning was better than going forward, too. Her forward gear was broken...unless we faced the barn.

And worst of all, Val had come down into the ditch where I was now stuck spinning and backing like a whirling dervish, and Scout started acting up, too. He spun around and then backed his spotted butt right into a huge evil Cholla (which later that night we discovered it had left a number of painfully long thorns into his tender hide).

I was getting frustrated and Val saw that we were going nowhere fast, so she suggested that we head back to her barn...but not reward Baby Doll by untacking her and putting her away in the barn, lest she think her sour behavior got her there. No. When we got back, Val mounted Baby Doll, and I got up on her 25 year old Arabian mare, Nadia.

Sweet friend of mine, Val, wanted to work Baby Doll for a while out in the 'back forty' pastures. She could hopefully find out what Baby Doll's triggers are and what my painted girl's reactions to them are, too.

As she rode her around, jogging, I walked calmly on Nadia. Everytime my horse faced towards home, she fought it by trying to steal her head back, yanking her head and neck, snorting and doing crow hops. It was quite painful to watch.She was in her Dr. Cook's Bitless Bridle but it doesn't seem to be as effective now. She has always been so soft and responsive when wearing it. Looking at the photos, and since working with her since that day, I've been wondering if maybe there is too much nose contact and not enough relief from pressure. My instructor thinks Baby Doll could benefit from some remedial training in a snaffle. Val also agrees, though she is also open to me wanting to use a Bitless, too. Something needs to be done, though. Baby Doll thinks her head only belongs to her and is quite persistant at trying to take it back.There were a few moments that she just sort of accepted the status quo, but she never really looked as fully relaxed as I know she can be. In this photo, Val is trying to convince me that Baby Doll really is a good horse and just needs a little work so she'll learn to respect me and do as asked without balking or being sour. I can see Baby Doll just thinking to herself, "At the next opportune moment I'm taking my head back and we're heading east towards home finally".And there it is! See how she's trying to keep her head and pull it out of Val's control? Baby Doll added a little crowhop/mini-buck just after she got past that juniper tree, as if she didn't think I'd see, my bratty girl! Grrr.About this time I was wondering how much money I could get for my pain-in-the-butt spoiled horse and feeling very glad that Val was wearing a helmet. And I was also thinking what a great friend she was to be so willing to get up on such a balky, disrespectful horse while trying to help get my horse right for me again. I've since taken Baby Doll out several times around the pasture and she keeps testing me by trying to pull her head away and not going where I ask her to go. Whenever I get towards the direction of the barn, she readily goes right there and then balks when I turn her away.

I've been reading several books on horse training and trail riding recently just to educate myself and help me understand what may be the best courses of action. I've tried a few out on my horse, especially stretching her neck on both sides because she does seem to be stiff, especially when I'm trying to pull her neck to one side with one rein, as I'd do for a one rein stop.
This stiffness and balkiness also makes it difficult to work on disengaging her hip, too.


So, now you know why I'm crying on my birthday. Be careful what you wish for. Things aren't always what they seem. Life is full of challenges. Bah!

Yeh, I know that working through these challenges will make me a better rider and it might even be what I need. If I survive, I'll probably be more confidant and my horse and I may finally be partners in the saddle, not just on the ground.


But right now, it's my birthday, and I just want some whine with my cake.


(ps, of course, if you've got some helpful advice, tips or support, please leave me a comment. Thanks.)