I'm so sad....and so guilty.

I'm so incredibly sad. See this curious hen?..She's dead.
I know some may say, "oh it's just a chicken. we eat chicken.' Well, it's the way she died that tears my heart into a thousand pieces. I'm sitting here sobbing, hardly able to see the screen.

You see, I gave this chicken to the woman who gave me my walker a couple weeks ago. I realized she knew a mutual friend, and so, when I saw her 'wanted' post on Freecycle not long afterwards, looking for some hens, I felt called to offer her one of my own. I also thought by downsizing my flock, I'd help cut feed and care costs. I wanted to make some sort of effort to help my family, even if was a small way. I feel so helpless and useless in my current condition.

So, I decided I could share one of my less favorite chickens, one of my brown leghorns. They tend to be flighty and less affectionate, but are very dependable layers of huge white eggs.

They still don't deserve such a horrible death.

I gave this lady one of our brown leghorn hens last week and I told her if it didn't work out, to please bring our hen back. I didn't hear anything from her for a couple days, so I e-mailed her, and today I got a reply that she was so sorry, but my brown leghorn hen didn't even make it one night. She was murdered in the henhouse before the morning!!

I feel so terribly guilty. I basically handed over my chicken to be placed in with a bunch of strange hens, who murdered her! I told this lady, she should keep my hen separate from her flock for a few days until they all got used to each other. This is what I did last year when I introduced my 2 Japanese Silky chicks and my 2 Polish chicks to my established flock. It took about a week with the chick cage being in the coop and then inside the hen house, before I permitted the chicks to run freely with the rest of my hens.
But afterwards, I never had any issues, fights or problems. And two of my chickens are roosters, who are best friends, and respect each other. My coop is battle free because I intruduced them slowly, safely.

I know my hen was just a chicken, but she was my chicken. I was responsible for her. I've raised all of my chickens from chicks and haven't had any hurt or killed in the almost 2 years I've owned them. I only paid $2.00 for my little brown leghorn hen, but over the past year and a half, through feeding her and her ability to lay reliably, she was worth much more than $2.00. I could have sold her for at least $20.00. That's what young laying hens go for around here.

I think what hurts the most is that I educated myself for more than a year BEFORE buying chickens or even considering raising them. It was important to me to keep them safe. At the basic level, a hen is food, either by egg form or meat, so none of my hens are disposable. At the secondary level, my hen was a living breathing creature, who didn't deserve to be sacrificed, just to be terrorized and then murdered.

I am so incredible sad. And I am wracked with guilt. I wailed to Ranchman John and told him he was so right. He had said to me the other day, that I didn't have to get rid of any of my chickens. He also told me tonight that he will not let me give away any of my other animals, including our sheep, either. He said that we have to take care of our own. He's seen the replies from the crazy people that replied to my Craigslist ad: They have 'no guard animals, no shelter, no sheep experience or education, no respect or understanding of heritage sheep (wanting to breed them with whatever rams they have), wanting to give my sheep to their 6 yr old to raise (hubby said, 'get them a puppy or a goldfish, sheesh!), and so many more crazy replies.

I am feeling very relieved that we are on the same page now, but still so sad that it took the terrible loss of one of my chickens, to realize that even when my hubby and kids whine about taking care of the animals, they don't actually want them gone. As my hubby says, 'sometimes we're just feeling lazy, but we still love the chickens, goats, sheep, horse and llamas."

I'm still so sad and heartbroken for the waste of my hen's little life. I just wanted to get these painful feelings off my chest here. I hope some of you can sympathize, even if you are having chicken for dinner.....

Thanks for reading.

From the Tower of,