My Heart is Painfully Broken

 

(Warning: This post may be disturbing to some readers. I have included graphic photos and descriptions, which may be offensive to some. If you are the sensitive type, please do not read this post. You have been warned. Do not leave me flaming comments complaining about this subject matter. It’s my blog and no one is forcing you to read it.)

The worst thing that I have ever experienced or seen in my life happened last night. And I will never be the same again. I feel as if my heart has been ripped apart and my soul is raw and aching. I need to share this story to help heal these open wounds, pay tribute to a beautiful and gentle soul, and help me find some sort of peace and closure.

I know you all were expecting to see photos and read stories about my holiday weekend up at Val’s cabin, but my heart is just not willing…and I don’t know when it will be again. I think that after I’m through sharing this story, I shall give myself some time to heal from the sadness…and horror I’ve just experienced.

This story is about the handsome, strong bay gelding that I chose to photograph and include in my blog header. His name was Rojo.

He and his grey buddy have provided me many hours of entertainment when I’ve been at my lowest and most discouraged. When I was stuck in bed after my injury and subsequent surgery, I could look out my window and see Rojo and his grey friend galloping and cavorting in their field, grazing peacefully or just displaying amusing behavior.

Even when my own mare and my friend Val’s horses were unavailable and not in my line of sight, as I healed in my tower, I could count on Rojo to be there as I gazed out of my glass doors.

Many of my photographs, over the past year, are of this strikingly handsome horse. And I intend to share most of them in another post….a tribute to Rojo.

      

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Last night I was up late and heard neighing around midnight followed by persistent honking of a car horn, which doesn’t happen around here unless something is wrong.

My first panicked thought was something had happened to my mare, Baby Doll and Val’s gelding, Scout and her mare Nadia, whom we recently began a grazing lease arrangement with our neighbor, who owns several hundred acres beside our neighborhood.

Fortunately for our horses (and us), they were fine, but unfortunately for our other neighbor ‘D’ and his two horses………they were not fine.

As soon as I heard the honking, I jumped into my GMC and drove over to where I saw a car slow down on the hill above our neighborhood. I forgot to grab my cell phone, but had my camera already in the car. And this is what I saw. 

The photo quality is poor but you can see that is a horse standing in the road. I knew that my neighbor ‘D’ had just bought this horse yesterday because I had spoke to him on the phone in the early evening. And I had seen this new grey gelding over in his field as I looked out my bedroom glass doors. So I immediately knew who the horse belonged to.

But I didn’t see Rojo, the bay gelding. It was very dark outside, but if you look to the far left of the above photo you may be able to make his shape out, down in the gully.

As a sat there in my GMC, honking my own horn, like a crazy woman, trying to wake up my neighbors, especially ‘D’, to get some help, another car came over the crest of the hill pretty fast. I flashed my highbeams over and over until they slowed down and drove past. Afterwards the grey horse crossed back over the road.

(All of my photos are dark or blurry or both. My hands were shaking and it was pitch black outside. Photo quality was not something I was focused on.)

At this point I became impatient because no one was coming outside to help, so I kept my horn blaring (it was around 12:30am….but it was an emergency) and then drove over to ‘D’’s house and honked in front of his garage until it finally raised about 5 minutes later with him groggy-eyed, still buttoning up his shirt.

I told him his horses were loose and to grab some halters and that I’d drive him over to the road. He grabbed a bag of feed, too and climbed into my passenger seat and we headed over.

I kept my high beams on as he walked out to his horses. He haltered up his grey horse as another truck drove up.

I thought it was odd that Rojo just stood in place and didn’t even try to move away or towards ‘D’. And when I heard ‘D’ say, “Oh man. Oh sh*t” I knew in my gut that something was seriously and terribly wrong.

‘D’ finished up haltering his grey gelding.

And he managed to walk up to Rojo and assess the damage. And it really was horrible. A horse owner’s worst nightmare. Even from my GMC window I could see that something was wrong with Rojo’s left leg.

“D” left Rojo standing there as he led the grey horse back home. I drove across the road to block traffic and I set up my blinkers. And then I zoomed in on Rojo and could see that his left front leg was bloody.

And worst of all I could see that it was bent at a terrible angle.

 

It made me feel sick because I knew then that poor Rojo had no chance of survival. That this injury would prove fatal for this beautiful animal.

 

He looked at me with his soft eyes, filled with confusion and pain and he nickered at me…….and I lost it and just sobbed.

At that point instinct kicked in and I knew I had to try to help Rojo, at least to get him out of his misery. So, I asked the man in the truck, waiting up the hill, if I could use his cell phone to call 911 and Animal Control. I gave them the information and the dispatcher promised me they’d have someone out quickly.

Meanwhile, ‘D’ had come back out with a small pistol to put Rojo out of his misery, but after he tried to do the deed, with me in the GMC shining my high beams for light, he realized not only was he not up for the job, but that his gun wasn’t powerful enough and would probably just cause more injury instead of instant death.

I told him to hold on for a couple minutes and that I had called Animal Control. And just at that moment they drove up.

 

But unfortunately, that officer didn’t feel comfortable with killing Rojo or that his weapon was powerful enough either. And the closest euthanasia medicine availability would be an hour out, so he told us that another officer, with a high powered rifle was on his way over. As they waited for him to arrive my heart was aching for ‘D’ and especially for Rojo. I knew Rojo must be in horrific pain and I just wanted him to be free.

This photo was taken just a couple minutes before Rojo’s life ended. When I got home and looked at the photo, I was surprised at how Rojo appeared to have become a ghost horse.

 

The officer with the high powered rifle showed up and they asked me if I’d mind staying with my GMC’s high beams pointing at Rojo and I agreed to help. I had no idea how absolutely horrifying it would prove to be, though.

I closed my eyes when the officer aimed, but when I looked up after the first shot, Rojo was still standing, even though he had been hit. I saw the rifle take aim again and I bowed my head and squeezed my eyes shut tight and prayed hard. And when I looked up, Rojo was on the ground, his body still twitching…...

But then Rojo finally lay still….. and it was all over.

 

(Note: I apologize if this post offended anyone or caused anyone sadness. Everyone who started out was warned that this post wasn’t going to be about happiness, flowers and joy. This post was created for me and it was important that I find a way to get this heavy burden off of my chest in the best way that I know how, through my writing and photographs. And since Rojo was a special and important part of my life and has been a highlight on my blog for over a year, I knew I needed to give him, and myself closure, while paying tribute and honoring such a beautiful and gentle equine friend. And I know it’s just coincidence, but I also found it ironic that Rojo injured the same leg that I did 6 months ago. If you happened to follow along and you feel sympathy and were touched by what happened last night, then I hope you’ll come back for my special tribute to Rojo. He deserves at least that much, I think.)      

From the Tower of,