Sunday Stills ~ Reflections….of the Heart

 

This week’s Sunday Stills Challenge is Reflections. “For some this might mean a mirror image, others of you might want to just want to “reflect” on a certain subject.”

I’ve been feeling a little philosophical lately so I’m going to choose to reflect on a certain subject.

This is not a quick read post, so some of you may prefer to quickly leave and go visit other blogs with shorter posts containing only a few words and mostly photos. That’s ok with me. This is a post about reflection and I just can’t do it without words…lots of them.

Of course there are also a lot of photos, too.

So, if you have some time, go grab some refreshments, have a potty break, then sit back and continue on……

 

One beautiful, quiet morning, while sitting outside with my horse, Apache, listening to her methodically munching her breakfast, my mind began day-dreaming and thinking deep thoughts and suddenly I was struck by an epiphany so strong it just about took my breath away. You all know what an epiphany is, right?

This is what the online dictionary says it is:

a. A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.

b. A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization:

For me, it was also a moment of clarity and understanding. Oh, and surprise.

Why surprise? Well, I was surprised that this thought had never occurred to me before, especially when it was right in front of my eyes every single day.

What was this epiphany, you ask? What am I reflecting on? Why won’t I get to the point already?

Ok, ok. Here goes. But first some history to help it all make sense.

Some of you may remember Rojo, and some may not. He was a handsome, gentle bay gelding that D, one of my neighbors, owned a couple years ago. Rojo was D’s money-making roping horse because Rojo was strong, willing and smart. And did I mention, handsome?

Rojo was not my horse, but I felt a closeness to him that I can’t completely explain. It goes so much deeper than words.

(My daughter, Jen, 6 yrs old, visiting Rojo during the summer of 2008. I saw it with my own eyes. Rojo truly had affection, gentleness and patience for my little girl)

   

Even though, Rojo did not belong to me, he was truly my heart horse. After the injury and subsequent surgery, caused by falling off my first horse Baby Doll, on Christmas Eve 2008, I spent many weeks in bed trying to rest and rehab my knee. The view I had from my bedroom window was of my neighbor’s backyard where he kept his two horses, Rojo and the Grey, whom I always referred to as Gandalf, because he also seemed like a wise old wizard to me. He was always a little more reserved and stand-offish, just watching and observing, while Rojo was outgoing and friendly, like a golden-boy, popular football jock.

But those two were inseparable.

They were always together.

Even in play.

Side by side.

Their peaceful, and oftentimes exuberant presence outside my window gave my life meaning and purpose during those long weeks of healing.

 

They got me out of bed every day hoping to capture their playful antics and peaceful moments with my camera.

They were truly reflections of each other.

So it broke my heart when one day, D hauled Gandalf away and sold him. To say Rojo was distraught was an understatement. He mourned for his grey friend every single day. He never did bond with the first horse, D brought home on a trial basis hoping the horse would work out for roping. That first horse was only here for a week, and Rojo mostly avoided him.

But the afternoon that D brought home another grey,  a much younger colt, about 4 yrs old, it seemed Rojo decided he’d had enough. Life just wasn’t worth living without his dear friend, Gandalf.

     

And that terrible night, I was awakened to desperate neighing and discovered Rojo fatally injured by the side of the road. I was there in his final moments of life.

I posted about that night and, if you’ve not seen that post, you can read about it here: My Heart is Painfully Broken

That post is not for the faint of heart. But if you have ever loved and have had to say goodbye to a special animal family member, especially a heart horse, you will understand what a sad and painful night that was.

Ok, so where does my epiphany come in, you ask?

Well, there I was sitting beside my mare Apache as she munched her hay, and I looked up and caught sight of her left shoulder. I paused for a moment thinking about how her white markings resemble a heart on a string, and how I have come to believe she is my heart horse.

Then all of a sudden I had a flashback of my other heart horse, Rojo. He also wore a heart on his left shoulder.

 

And then I had the epiphany.

Rojo was my heart horse because he taught me that a horse can be big and powerful, but also kind and gentle. He also taught me the importance of a loyal, honest and reliable friend. And although, he never knew it, Rojo was there for me when I needed him most. He, and his friend Gandalf, were key in my healing after the injury, not just for the photo ops, but for showing me that the love of horses was still in my heart and soul. Just because I had been injured by horses, was not a good enough reason to give up on them or my dreams. Rojo taught me that horses bring so much joy and beauty into our lives, and after I had learned that lesson and my body had healed, I believe it was Rojo’s time to go. He touched my heart so deeply and it broke my heart that he had to die so horribly. But he made a difference while he was on this earth, and I have so much to thank him for.

 

But then just 8 months later, a homely little pinto pony came into my life, and she, too, wore a heart on her shoulder.

This little mare came into my life when I was doubting my abilities and questioning my dream of continuing horse ownership.

My Apache mare helped rebuild my confidence and taught me to have patience and empathy.

And she helped me to become a stronger person and a better rider.

She brought the fun of riding back to me.

And allowed me to try new things.

And travel to new places….

To take on new challenges.

And even to fulfill dreams.

And as I sit here and reflect on these past two years, I realize that Apache has taught me many new things about horses, and about myself.

And I have discovered……that when I am with Apache I often see a reflection of me. (and my daughter, too)

 

      

Honking at a Tiger in a Cage ~ I’ve had Enough!

 

Beware! This is a ranting and complaining post, which is rare coming from me. But sometimes you just got to let it all out. Something’s got to give.

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My neighbor, D, the same neighbor who owned handsome Rojo, the horse that was killed last summer when his leg was broken, now owns 3 geldings. D usually boards his horses down in the valley so he can do roping events, or he leases pasture for them up here in the mountains.  Sometimes he keeps them in his backyard, which is right beside a busy county road. Over the past couple years I’ve taken many photos of D’s horses because I have a clear view of them from my bedroom window and bed. (with a pretty good zoom)

When I was healing up from my injuries last year, D’s previous two horses, Rojo and Gandalf (my name for the grey horse) played a large part in my recovery.

While I was stuck in bed, seeing them running and playing together, lifted my spirits.

Those two had a special bond that was beautiful to see. It broke my heart when D sold off Gandalf and not long afterwards, brought in the younger grey gelding he owns now. The night he brought that one home was the night beautiful Rojo died.

A peculiar thing happened after he brought in another new horse, not long after he bought the younger grey gelding. This new horse seemed obsessed with something across the road from his pasture. He paced for hours all day and night, like a tiger in a cage, along the fence-line beside the busy county road.

He’ll forgo eating and drinking just to pace back and forth. Nothing persuades him to stop pacing, not even semi-trucks, motorcycles, his pasture mates playing, or someone stopping by with a treat and a scratch. He just keeps pacing all day long.

 

Sometimes he’ll stop and gaze out across the road.

I’m not sure what he sees. Does he see Rojo’s ghost running across those fields?

The majestic Rojo was traqically killed just across the road from his pasture. I remember when he would sometimes gaze out across the road to the field beyond, too. What did Rojo see?

No one lives over there and no one pastures any livestock there either. It’s just a big empty field, of about 70 acres.

Anyway, it’s been a year now, and this poor horse is still pacing like a caged tiger, and still obsessed with whatever he sees, or senses, across the road in the field beyond.

I’m glad this gelding has never tried to jump his short barbed wire fence, because over the past year, our county road has just gotten busier with more big trucks, and lots of drivers who act like impatient speed demons, driving way too fast for a road as hilly as ours are.

We used to see lots of bicyclists and horse back riders along the roadway and I always enjoyed seeing them ride past.

But the number of equestrians and bikers have dwindled considerably over the past year.

It’s just too dangerous for people and animals to exercise along this road anymore.

Just last week, I had the extreme terror of driving up over the top of a hill about a 1/2 mile from our house, and meeting another vehicle head-on….in my lane, as he was trying to pass another car in the opposite lane. I had my 3 kidlets in the car and I was so shook up……and pissed off! I slammed on my horn and yelled out my window, at that idiot that could have killed us! If it had not been for the driver in the opposite lane, seeing the imminent danger, and slowing down to a crawl to let the guy back over. Don’t people know you never pass another vehicle in a no passing zone….and never, never, EVER on a steep hill which has dangerous blind spots? Gah!

It’s sad really, how busy our road has gotten. All day long I can hear the loud, hammering sound of semi-trucks and dump trucks slowing down and then revving their engines as they go up and down our hills past our house.

It used to be so quiet up here. Now I feel as if I live in the city near a construction zone.

And why is everyone in a hurry? If you want to work in the city, but live in the country, then leave your house with plenty of time to get to work on time. And when you come home, why not relax and decompress while enjoying the scenery during your drive home? Why be in such a hurry, while putting other people and animals in danger?

If folks want a faster commute, then they should move back to the city. Sheesh!

Anyway, something else very peculiar…and annoying, too, has been going on over the past few months. All these speed demons, and all these big trucks have started honking at D’s horses, especially when D’s horse is pacing.

I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe the idiots think that if they honk real loud at his horses, that they will run away in terror? Maybe they believe they are keeping D’s horses away from the road, if they honk over and over as they drive past our houses? Maybe they think it’s fun to make a horse run away if the horn startles it? I don’t know. But the pumpkin heads that keep on honking all day long as they drive by are driving me nuts!

Don’t they realize the only thing they are accomplishing is desensitizing D’s horses to the sounds of honking? Don’t they see that that his horses don’t care and aren’t phased by the honking?

No. They don’t. Because they’re idiots. I’m a pretty laid back, nice person, and I can forgive a lot, but I just don’t get people sometimes. Don’t they care that people live in these houses along the road? Don’t they realize that their obnoxious noise is irritating those who moved to the country to get away from the noise pollution of the city?

And then another gripe. A little over a week ago, I was sitting outside in my backyard just relaxing and enjoying my chickens as they free-ranged, when along comes a young woman walking, with her two dogs, off leash…I might add, right through the middle of our property. And worst of all, she was walking with the same dog that broke into our barn a couple years ago and tore apart our rabbit cage and murdered our pet rabbit.

And did I mention that both dogs were off leash…..and my chickens were free-ranging?!

I asked the lady why she was walking across our property, and she just said, “Oh, this is your property?” No apology. No asking me if it was ok if she cut across our land (which, by the way is actually owned by us and not owned by the bank. We paid off the land and house in full, a few years ago.).

I was very annoyed with this woman as she acted like she owned the world. I asked her if that one dog was hers, the one that killed our rabbit, and she asked, “Why?”. I told her, because it trespassed on our property, just like she was doing, and killed our pet rabbit. She claimed the dog wasn’t hers and then ignored me and kept walking across our property to the other side. gah! I was so teed off, I tell ya!

I wouldn’t mind someone cutting across our land if they asked permission first and showed some respect. And if they did have permission I would expect them to either keep their dogs at home, or have them leashed, so my livestock, dogs and kids would be safe from harm.

I spoke to my hubby, Ranchman John, on the phone today and told him it’s time to consider moving in a few years. Farther away from the city, on large acreage, far away from neighbors, off of a dirt road, nowhere near a paved road.

(The next two photos taken in the Santa Fe National Forest during some recent letterboxing hikes)

I want to be tucked away into the trees, with only the sound of birds, wildlife and nature to fill my ears.

Or maybe I just need a vacation?

And Llamas Don’t Bother Her at All

 

I just want to tell all of you, who’ve left me such wonderful comments, a huge and grateful thank you for your well wishes, congratulations, opinions and advice on my two most recent posts about finally making Apache my own and interpreting and dealing with her licking. You guys are the best!!!!

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Today was gorgeous with temps close to the 60’s! I would have loved to get out and ride, but I had other plans to do with Apache instead. She’s been in her smaller paddock for the past week and I wanted to get her into the larger paddock/pasture to give her some more exercise, and get her used to the llamas, goats and sheep, and to give her access to the barn and stall, if she so chooses.

As I told you all a few days ago, Baby Doll took several months to get used to the llamas and was very spooked for a long time even to look at them. She eventually did get used to them, but it took a while.

I expected similar reactions from Apache and had prepared myself to deal with them and to just be there to help give Apache courage, even though I was also worried about any potential blow-ups or freak-outs and me getting hurt by them.

But I was still hoping that Apache might act like ‘my’ noble, brave, handsome Rojo did when he first met my llamas, as I took them out for a walk past his pasture.

He was a friendly gentleman and I think he had a crush on my pretty little llama girl, too.

 

(Did you happen to notice that handsome Rojo also wore a heart on his left shoulder…..just like my Apache does, too? I just noticed this as I was posting his picture. wow. Coincidence?)

This is a very special, to me, photo showing how gentle Rojo was with my little girl. Sometimes he would lower his head and let Jenna hug his muzzle and give him a kiss. It was very sweet. Such a terrible loss……….I sure do miss that beautiful boy.

 

Anyway…I digress.

Ranchman John told me that he wouldn’t be surprised if she just took the llamas in stride and wouldn't be bothered by them at all. It’s so annoying when he’s right.

I went up to her paddock and got her haltered and then I spent some time grooming her a little and trimming her bridle path. Her mane is so thick and bushy, it’s impossible not to get it all tangled up in the halter and bridle. I was then prepared to take her for a walk around the larger pasture to show her the fenceline and where all the trees were located….and to introduce her to the llamas.

After walking around the entire fenceline, we came back around to the barn where all the llamas, goats and sheep were hanging out.

When we walked along the woolie’s fenceline, Apache just stood and stared, even when Catlinite was being rude and stared back in his aggressive stance.

I walked her past them a couple times, but was surprised that she was eager to walk up to the fence and meet them face to face. So we did. And she never batted an eyelash.

I could tell Catlinite was disappointed. His glare had no effect on Apache at all.

She was just curious and tried to make friends with everyone.

Cataleya was much more friendly as usual and she rubbed noses with Apache, which was very sweet.

(In llamas, ears laid back is actually a sign of submission, not aggression. But when ears are laid back AND their nose goes up in the air…watch out! Then they are preparing to spit!)

And, of course, the goats and sheep were all happy to make a new friend.

 

Apache kept looking at me, as if she wanted me to know that she was fine with everything, and I just couldn’t stop praising her for being so calm, confident and sweet.

I love her more each day!

So, she passed another test with flying colors. I removed her halter and let her explore the rest of the pasture on her own, with me walking along beside her.

To be continued………………