Why I am Very Thankful….and How We got to Where We Are.

 

(To read the beginning of this post click: THANKFUL)
This has been the most difficult part of our story to write. It was even more challenging to live it.

But being that it’s Thanksgiving Day, and we sure have so much to be thankful for, this seems to be the best day for me to gather my thoughts and finally get the words typed………………..

When we packed up our three kidlets, one cat, and four rabbits and drove from South Carolina back to New Mexico in early 2006, the economy was already in a tail spin. Jobs were scarce and even harder to come by for a man with a Traumatic Brain Injury.

We had no family in New Mexico, and only a few family members scattered across the country. My husband’s parents died before we had children and he grew up an only-child. My Mother died when I was only 8 years old and I was an only-child, too. We both grew up in military households, so we we were raised to be independent and self-sufficient. We have a lot in common. But our backgrounds, sure didn’t make our lives any easier……except to keep us strong.

There were times we had no food on our table. And there were times that we were so sick of beans and rice we thought we would gag trying to swallow it down. We vowed that when our financial situation improved and we we’re finally able to donate money and food we would be sure to make sure the food wasn’t expired and it wasn’t food that our family just wanted to get rid of because it had been on the shelf for so long, or no one liked the taste of it.

I vowed in the future to pay attention and notice the Mother and her children, playing at McDonalds. When her children asked for something to eat, I would listen to her whispering to her children, “I’m sorry, but we don’t have money today”, and I would reach into my wallet and discreetly offer her a ten……and a hug if she wanted it.

I also vowed in the future to always remember to donate our outgrown clothing to charities, instead of trying to sell them and make a few bucks, because I know first hand what it is like not being able to afford to buy new clothes for my children.

And I vowed to remember to include families, whom I know are struggling to provide, in activities my own family does, especially offering them transportation. Because I know what it feels like to be stuck at home without enough gas in my car to drive to the end of my street.

But through our struggles we learned some very important lessons along the way and they helped make us stronger, too.

One of the lessons we learned was how important it is to accept help no matter how proud we feel. Our family learned to be humble and to accept the fact that we can’t always go it on our own.

Another lesson we learned is how generous and kind many people are.

Christmas 2006 was going to be very meager for our family, and there wasn’t any extra money for Christmas gifts that year. But one afternoon, we heard a knock at the door and when we went to answer it, no one was there. Instead there was a huge cardboard box, wrapped in a bright red ribbon, sitting on our front porch. Yes, my children there really is a Santa Claus.

It was quite the surprise, because, besides the local food pantry, our attorneys, and our church, no one knew how badly we we’re struggling to provide for our family. (And speaking of attorneys, our attorneys were awesome! They sent our kidlets Christmas gifts that year, too: Two sleds for my sons and a Princess outfit for my daughter. I learned that not all attorneys are sharks.)

But that Christmas was joyful indeed, and not just for all the wonderful Christmas presents those generous and kind souls gave us, but because we knew we were cared about and we had hope that 2007 would be a better year for our family.

(Jem and Jax in front of our Rio Rancho, NM house Christmas, 2006)

 

We also learned that no matter how financially sound you think you are, even with a year’s worth of mortgage and bill payments tucked away in savings, everything can be lost from just one tragedy, like an auto accident or major injury.

We learned to lock up the credit cards and never pay for anything on credit. We learned that if you can’t pay cash for something, you can’t afford it, and don’t need it.

When our settlement finally came through, almost three years after the accident that almost took the lives of my husband and two sons, we made the wisest decision of our lives to pay off all of our bills, including medical bills, loans, and mortgage. And when we were ready to start over again, we simplified our lives, moved to the country, and paid cash for our new house. We tucked away money in savings and we made sure to tuck more money away for future college costs for our kidlets. While most people would use their settlement money to go on expensive vacations or go on extravagant shopping sprees, we chose to make a huge and lasting lifestyle change instead.

But what led us to this particular lifestyle in the country?

In April 2007, on a homeschooling message board, we read about a family in Benson, AZ who wanted to take a vacation to Holland to visit their relatives, but needed a house and pet sitter to come down for 10 days. They couldn't offer any money for our services, but they offered us their home to use as a base camp to explore Southern Arizona, so for us it was sort of like a hotel trade. We had been so broke and so house-bound for so long, a vacation appealed to us, and there were lots of Letterboxes to look for in that area, too. So, with some financial relief from our lawyers, we were finally were able to afford gas to travel again. And as most everyone who reads my blog knows, we love animals, so we offered to help this family, and soon made our way to Arizona. You can read more about that visit, with lots of photos: Arizona

We had a great visit and our time spent on this family’s rural little country ranch with all their wonderful animals made me realize that our family needed a lifestyle change. Ranchman  John and I soon began discussing our future living arrangements.

I guess we did such a good job pet and house sitting, that the family in Arizona asked if we’d come down again, a few months later, in late June. We enjoyed our first visit to southern Arizona so much, we agreed and drove back down. I did a number of posts about that second visit on my other blog. Feel free to check it out: Arizona 

(Can I just say now, though, that southern Arizona is hotter than Hades in the summer? Miserable, I tell ya! Someone once told me, “Oh it’s not that bad. It’s a dry heat.” Sticking your head in a 115 degree oven is a dry heat, too. But I bet you won’t want to keep it in there for very long! It’s difficult to breathe in all that dry heat. Suffice it to say, I will never live in Southern Arizona during the summer!)

When we got back home, we discovered that things looked “different” to us. When we built our rural house 9 years earlier, the entire neighborhood had less than 100 homes and was across the street from a dairy farm and surrounded by wide open mesa. When we told people where we were moving to, they looked at us like we were nuts to move out to the boondocks, so far away from everything.

But when we moved back in to our neighborhood, just 7 years later, there were over a thousand homes built in our neighborhood, there was a shopping center built beside it, a Home Depot on the other side, an Indian Casino across a busy highway, and the dairy farm was gone…..soon to be replaced by a Walmart Super Store.

If you want to read my feelings about this and see a photo, Click to read my feelings about our old neighborhood. 

It was time to move.

To be continued…….

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

(Jenna at 4 yrs old pondering huge thoughts about our delicious deep-fried turkey)

Christmas Tree Canyon

 

To follow are just a few photos of some of the interesting sights we saw while driving the route from Mora to Guadalupita, with a little visit in Christmas Tree Canyon, so Val could place a letterbox there.

 

Along the way, I pointed my camera out the window of the car, as we drove by lots of…………………

Cows………

Sheep…………………………

Horses…………………………..

Tractors……………………………..

 

Trees……………………….

And one curious lizard…………………………..

In………………………….

And just in case you might be interested………………..

I was.

From the Tower of,

And another chapter in this phase of our lives.....

I need to share something that is heavy on my heart right now, too.
We are still battling with Liberty University, their insurance companies and their shark-like attorneys 2 years after John, Jackson & Jeremiah were in a vehicle hit from behind by someone from Liberty, and forced into the path of an 18 wheeler.
We have all suffered horribly, Jackson with broken bones, scarring. Jeremiah with facial scarring and a brain injury. John with a TBI, a ripped elbow tendon, blood clots, brain surgery, side effects and so much more. It's been a hell to live through and Liberty refuses to take responsibility and pay our medical bills and pain and suffering.

Liberty and their 'team' have wasted thousands of dollars trying to prove that we are faking everything or somehow caused the accident, even though it's a fact that John was stopped and then was hit hard and fast from behind.

The Liberty Defense team first tried to blame John for unsafe driving (that failed), they then tried to insist that John was not working for Liberty University, claiming an Agency law, which was thrown out by the judge, when it was proven that John was being paid by Liberty University as their Head Lacrosse Coach. Jerry Falwell, even invited John to speak at Thomas Road Baptist Church and introduced him as Liberty's Lacrosee Coach!

Then the Defense attacked Jackson and Jeremiah and accused them of being disruptive an causing the accident(that was unproven), then they tried to attack my character and John's character saying we weren't good parents anyway and were somehow irresponsible in planning the trip and letting our children go along. (That was also thrown out the window)

They have interviewed all sorts of people in our pasts, including my children's kindergarten and 1st grade teachers, along with medical people. They have wasted our time by making us travel to SC several times promising to settle the case with us, but then playing games and not offering us enough to pay our medical bills, pain and suffering and legal council.

John had to go through arm surgery, brain surgery, brain scans, months of lost wages, a loss of good job, a change in living arrangements and all the awful side effects of his TBI.
Jeremiah had to go through yet another surgery to remove a fairly large piece of glass that the hospital in Alabama failed to remove while he was there in March 2005.
And he struggles with his memory and other issues related to the accident, on a daily basis. And he is still haunted by the accident every time he looks into the mirror and sees his horribly scarred face.

They claim that Jeremiah and John are faking it. I only wish they were.

When our attorneys recently interviewed Jerry Falwell, he spat angrily at our attorneys and claimed we were trying to "Rape" his University! This from someone who wasn't even aware that John and our sons were seriously injured and still suffering.
This from the man that claims that he "takes care of his own", but didn't bother to help us after the accident. Didn't offer my family a way to get home from the hospital in Alabama. He left us stranded there, though he made sure all of the lacrosse players were given transportation home. Didn't send a get well card or flowers, though we received them from Universities and many strangers all over the country. This from the man that my husband respected during 4 years of college.....


Anyway, what happened yesterday shouldn't have surprised me, but it did make me angry. The Defense interviewed my sons elem. teachers last week, trying to prove that the accident didn't cause Jeremiah's brain injury and that he was already struggling with intelligence-deficit before the accident. They quickly discovered that before the accident, my sons were smart, healthy and well liked.

So, soon after that failed interview didn't turn up what they were hoping for, they decided that Jeremiah's brain injury side effects must be caused by HOMESCHOOLING!

TADA! Attack the Homechooling Family!

So Liberty's team wrote to our attorneys asking for proof that I am teaching my children 'properly' and that I am qualified to teach. They wanted to see proof of all of our academic records for the past 3 years. Including associations that regulated us or basically told us what to teach.

At first my brain went into a frenzy, but then after spending some time in prayer, God placed it in my heart and mind and I knew what to write, and He filled me with a passion. I spent 2 hours last night gathering up all the past information from what we do each day, each month, where we go, what my children experience in their own learning environment. The amazing and full life that we share together.
I provided proof that I am indeed 'qualified' to teach my children (thank you State Homeschool laws and HSLDA having it so easy to access). And I shared all of the support groups we have been involved with as well. And so much much more.

When I re-read it even I was impressed. No public schooled child ever has all of the opportunities to enrich their minds, that we experience every day. No child sitting in a desk for 6+ hours has a better academic and varied life 'resume' filled with a vast array of educational opportunities, than our homeschooled children.

Our attorneys seemed very excited by what I sent them and feel confidant that it will dismiss the Defense's argument/false claim.

How dare they attack our legal choice to educate our children at home. Would they have done the same to us had our children been public schooled?
No, they wouldn't claim the public school system has damaged our children. No, instead they attack the homeschoolers and say that we are ruining our children's lives.

I wish they had been standing beside me, in fear, at Holliday Park last week, and experienced the violence of those public schooled teenagers.....

Whenever I have watched court shows on TV and seen all the underhanded stuff they do to try to get out of being responsible, I just thought it was hype. Now, I know it isn't.
That old ritual of "Swearing on the bible to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God" is such a joke. The only way to win a court case when you are at fault, is to lie, cheat, and be sneaky, make up stories and be underhanded.

Through this all we will trust in the Lord. In the end, all sinners must answer to God. I have faith that this is true. I pray that Liberty University, their insurance company, Jerry Falwell, and their Defense Attorneys are ready for that day.

Nothing positive to share

I've not felt like writing on this Blog for a while because I was afraid to somehow Jinx our potential situation...but apparently it made no difference anyway.

We were hoping that by the end of our Settlement Mediation on Nov 3, that we'd finally have closure with a fair and generous settlement, but that was not to be.

John took off work and then we flew, with our 3 children, from ABQ to PHX to CLT, and finally to Spartanburg, SC. We got a shuttle to the hotel and the next day a rent-a-car was brought to us. We then spent the day visiting friends and attending a Dr appt for John. The highlights were spending some special moments with my old homeschoolin' pals, Jessie and Margie and their kids. I haven't laughed that hard in soooo very long. Gosh I miss those gals!
And another highlight was a brief visit to our old house and Jackson & Jeremiah's old friend, Justin, who lived across the street from us, and whom they were very close to.

The next day was a living hell.

After leaving our kids with our attorney's sitter (who was amazing and precious...more on her later), we went to the Settlement Mediation appt. Our 3 attorneys were there to represent us and John's attorney had an impressive PowerPoint presentation prepared to show the Defendants.

The Defendant's side included their 2 attorneys, a rep from the insurance company, and a rep from Liberty U. . And then there was the kindly Mediator.

Immediately the main attorney from their side became defensive and quite rude while the mediator was explaining to all of us how a mediation is supposed to work, especially when the mediator explained that we should be serious in our reasons for being here and that if it is for the right reasons, "To come to a settlement agreement' that both side will leave unhappy. Because to settle in a case means that each side must give a little and often...alot.

Apparently, the defendant's attorney was not willing to follow those rules. And he didn't like being called on it either.

This guy acted like the typical Lawyer Shark types. We discovered that the majority of his cases involve him protecting large construction companies from having to take responsibility for their injured or dead employees, even if they did not ensure their employees safety. His job was to make sure that the employees got basically nothing, while the construction companies got away and kept on getting away. Nice guy, huh?

When he came into the room, he insisted on sitting directly across from John and I, instead of across from our attorneys, where he was supposed to sit. He was either trying to intimidate us, or he was trying to make sure his clients weren't affected by all the trouble and anguish our family has been through because of their lack of taking responsibility and lack of abilty to care.

After our attorneys did the PowerPoint presentation, I was asked to say a few words about what we've been through...but I broke up into tears. It was just so overwhelming. When they other side came in after a break, I tried to convey what happened to my family after the accident and how it has affected us, but aftrwards I felt that what I said was weak and did not explain the things that they really needed to know about. I was pretty mad at myself. I just had so much to say and no idea where to start.
I really wish I could have spoken AFTER the Defense attorney spoke their 2 cents worth!

Their attorney tried to claim that Jeremiah's injuries were not all that bad and could just be related to common ADHD. And went on to say that his brain injury wasn't any worse than a soccer injury!!!!!!!! (I later asked them how a child's brain crashing through a windshield at over 50 mph and then flying 30 feet across asphalt and landing on a road with rocks is anything at all like a little soccer injury??!!. I didn't think to also add that many children have sport's related head injuries that end affecting them for life and even turn some into 'vegetables')

The attorney also claimed that because we hadn't sought any medical care for Jeremiah since arriving in NM, that he must be fine. (Of course, I reminded them that my husband only makes $9.00 and hour and that money doesn't go far enough in feeding and housing a family of 5. That there is just no extra money for co-pays and prescriptions. It's also difficult to get into see a Dr because noone accepts new patients because of the huge influx of newcomers into our area)

The attorney also claimed that John's future earnings woulnd't really be affected because USairways was going to lay him off anyway and had already been cutting his hourly wage before her took the early retirement offer. (Of course, USAirways has now merged with America West as they had planned, they brought back any furlouged employees and are even giving raises to their employees. And it is in the works to create a possible buy-out of Delta Airlines! If John was still employed with USAirways we would not be living hand-to-mouth as we are now!!!) (But JOhn was forced to leave USAIRWAYS and we forced to sell our home because John had missed so much time off from work due to his injuries to his arm and head, the Dr appts, and the 2 surgeries that we just could not afford the cost of living in our home in SC)

The attorney also claimed that John would ahve it easier in NM because he wouldn't have to work so hard doing yardwork. (HAHAHAHA! It's obvious that this attorney has neve stepped foot in New Mexico! Grass doesn't grow by itself here and tumbleweeds grow out of control. Doing yard work requires alot of back work pulling and burning weeds, to have grass requires tilling, digging, and massive soil amendments. And then there is continuous upkeep with mowing and more weeding...and the extreme costs! And if you go with xeriscape, it's back-breaking work hauling in gravel and rocks, and planting drought resistant plants and trees!)

And this attorney claimed that John's health must be fine because he stopped taking the Przac he was prescribed to help him focus. (The prozac caused John to feel drowsy and he wasn't able to take it and drive to work, nor work around heavy equipment. It was either give up his job, or take Prozac. What do think most people would do that have to take care of 3 children and a wife?)

And let's not forget that this attorney claimed that John's previous therapist said that John had found ways to work through his disabilities and with constant attention to this techniques he would do well. He also went onto say that John had asked this therapist to write up a note for a potential employer that said those same things. Apparently this led the attorney to claim that because of these things, John must be 100% just fine!! (HAHAAHHA again! John made sure to show the Defendants what "techniques' he is forced to use on a daily basis, "A lined Notebook Pad" that he carries everywhere he goes and cannot function without, because of his serious long-term memory difficulties.
And as for the note to the potential employer? John wanted to find a good paying job that woulnd't toss his job application after the first mention of brain injury. Of course, that plan even backfired. When he got hired, after attending only 2 weeks of training he realized that he wasn't able to recall important information needed to perform the job and his only recourse was to admit defeat and resign)

And this attorney also claimed that during my deposition I said that I thought John could still do Airline work...that I thought it was like riding a bicycle, you never forget.
Which is true to an extent. John was trying to work a job where he had to lift heavy crates with a forklift, but I felt it was dangerous for him because he not only had to learn how to drive heavy equipment he'd never drive before, but he also had to remember what to do and where to place the heavy crates, as well as doing all of this on a strict time schedule.
He'd worked an airline job for over 16 years, and yes, like a bicycle,it would be difficult to forget how to do those same jobs and drive the same equipment. Remember that John's main brain injury involves short term memory...not long term.

But in relation to riding a bicycle with a brain injury. Think of it like getting back on roller skates after not riding for 20 years. Your body is nto in the same shape, your coordination is not as good, and you will probably get hurt.

And that is what I meant when I said that I thought John could the airline job better than the heavy machinery lifting job. But mostly I just felt safer with the airline job.....it was the lesser of the 2 evils safetywise.

Oh and then that attorney tried to make light of what I said in regards to our airline lifestyle by quoting me that it was a 'fun lifestyle'.
Not sure what his motive was except to make me look like I didn't take this case seriously, but I wanted to tell those Defendants that "Yes! It was a fun lifestyle...and oftentimes I miss it and wish that we could have that same lifestyle back. But most of the 'fun lifestyle' I was referring to was back before we had kids and had just got married. And that was because we traveled and flew together alot."

But would it matter what I said? Probably not.

Anyway, the rest of the day was of the same vein. A total flop...especially on the side of the Defendant's Attorneys. They showed their true colors and unwillingness to compromise and actually work toward a fair settlement.
We came down and down and down large amounts and money.
And their side moved up by $5,000 at a time. It was really quite pathetic.
And then they tried to play these hidie/peekie games where we'd give the mediator a private amount that we'd accept and they give the mediator the most they'd accept...and noone would know if anyone was close unless they were basically on the money...and then if we were we'd have to cross in the middle and give a little bit more.
It was crazy and kind of childish.
Of course, there was no settlement, and the defendant's attorney wasted everyone's time. Of course, they didn't care, they were getting paid by the hour ($250.00 an hour!) and their offices were right their in town.

And we had to pack up our kids and fly all the way back to NM again, waste another day and John lost 4 days of pay from not working!

Funny thing, though that happened, after the defendants side left the building, the attorney came back in and said he wanted to work something out with our attorney and would 'be calling him'. He also said that Liberty wanted too offer a 'free scholarship' to Liberty for Jeremiah.
(HAHAHAHA! Are they nuts? First of all, why in the world would we send our precious son to that school who has no morals and responsibility for those they have hurt? Second, why would we promise our son to that school when he has seen the total disregard of his family's health, safety and care? As well, how different would it be if we promised our son to marry a girl in the future, whether he wanted to or not? And third, Does Liberty think they are being generous offering what is basically a no-loss comp ticket and doesn't really cost them a thing?
The airline does the same thing for their employees, offering free airfare...on standby, if there is a seat available then we fly. It costs the airline nothing, but is seen by many to be a valuable benefit of working for an airline.
Pah! Liberty must think we are stupid and naive.

If they really wanted to be generous and show they care, they'd offer THREE scholarships, one for each of our children, who have all been affected by that accident in March 2005. And not to only attend Liberty. No! But for ANY college of their choosing!

Ok. So now we wait and see what their next move will be. Our attorneys are already making theirs. Hopefully, God willing, some justice will be served and we can finally receive a fair compensation for all that we have endured so that we can repair our lives and get back to living again.

Another Option

John still loves that funky property in Placitas that we discovered with our real estate agent. It just fits us and the way we live. I suppose that makes us funky, too. hehe

But yesterday while having fun at the Corrales Harvest Festival, we drove by a sign for a property that made John want to check it out, so we did.
Down a long drive past horse paddocks and to the very end, where another side lane began. There was some info on a gate, so John walked up and picked one of the brochures, and a friednly woman invited us to come onto her property to see it. Cool.

The woman was obviously an animal lover verging on 'collecting'. She had 8 horses, a donkey, a pig, guinea fowl, ducks, dogs, cats, rabbits, and so on. But she lived in a camper trailer on the land. Her stalls were bigger than her own living space. It appeared that she had more animals inside her trailer, too.
But all the animals looked happy and healthy and we enjoyed visiting and strolling the property for almost an hour!

We especially enjoyed walking around in the very large horse corral/pasture withe 7 very friendly horses, which acted more like dogs. They were always right beside us sniffing, nudging, rubbing, and looking for petting. Jackson & Jeremiah loved climbing the trees on the land, and Jenna couldn't stop smiling about all the horses who couldn't get enough of her and followed her around so much, that I finally felt the need to carry her around, lest she get knocked over by too much 'horse love'. hehe

I wasn't much impressed with the property, especially the asking price, at first, but somehow John opened up my eyes to the many prospects, with his creative vision. It does have potential and could be something really special for our family.

The land has water acequia rights from the Rio Grande, so we could have grass, more fruit trees, and pasture. It's a very private property with no homes behind it and is on the end of a gravel lane. The neighbors are professional barrelriders/ropers with a corral where they train the horses. So that's kind of neat. There are large shade trees, fruit trees, and it backs up to horse/walking trails to the Rio Grande Bosque. And it's on the northern end of Corrales, which tends to be quieter and more rural.

Some concerns are the unregistered well, 110V electric, easement to a possible new homesite off the gravel lane, the obvious signs of coyote habitation on the acequia banks behind the property, and some minor trepidation about the hermit veteran who has a small home next door....a little spooky. Also the gravel road easement through the neighbor's properties to reach this land is a bit odd, but not too awful...just a very narrow one lane road with irrigated agri farm on one side and homes/horse paddocks on the other.

But there is some real promise with this site.....so we will keep this one tucked away, just in case.

Speaking of case, all of our cases are finally going into Settlement Mediation on November 3 !!!!! We are so close now !!

Waiting, waiting, waiting

I am not the most patient person and neither is John. This past year and a half has been a living hell in so many ways, and mostly with having to wait. We are waiting to get our lives back, and to start a new one together. We lost a large portion of our lives on March 14, 2005 in that terrifying accident and things have mostly gotten worse or more complicated in the aftermath. Most days we all feel as if our lives are in limbo, through no fault of our own. So we wait and wait.

We have been informed that there is now light at the end of our dark and dreary tunnel, though we are still fearful and cautious to get our hopes up. But we must have hope, we must have faith, and we need to keep our hearts focused on our goals and dreams, even though they may often seem like a mist in a breeze.

And so we wait.